i think my tv is drunk
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
