Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
