PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
God I need to hump something, right now.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
