so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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