You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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