My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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