Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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