shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
