I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
