If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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