omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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