She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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