If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
