Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
