this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
