The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
