Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
