Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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