Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
