Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
