my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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