we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
