loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
