Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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