yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
