i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
