yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
