I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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