she was so not down for the gang bang
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
