So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
