Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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