Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
