my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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