The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
