just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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