Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
