I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Drunk is not a location!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
