I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Found your dick twin last night
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
