he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
being pregnant is like rehab
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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