I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
