just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
