I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
