the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
