how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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