guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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