the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
