so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just blew my weed a kiss
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
