the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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