sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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