So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
