Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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