I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
