you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
