Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
