that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
