you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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