Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
