I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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