Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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