My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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