for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
