Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
