I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
