We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
