i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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