Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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