I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
