Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I fill condoms, not promises.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
