Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
