surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
