I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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