if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
