Tell her she can't have a vagina
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
