I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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