hotel room ftw
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
